My Writing

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Will you keep my secrets?

Well, dear reader, I'll take your silence to mean that I've pretty much done myself in here (as a blogger, that is). And, honestly, I deserve the silent treatment.

When you ignore a relationship long enough, eventually, it will fall apart, as this one has done.

The thing is, I know you're still out there, lurking in the internetian shadows (yep...I just made that fucking word up). My stats show me that you're watching and following me, even if you aren't speaking to me right now. And like any good manipula-...ARTIST!, I know if I use the right words, you'll come back.

I'm just over here hemming and hawing and putting shit off...mostly out of fear. So, let's dissect that a bit, shall we?

As an amateur writer, I worry that I just won't have enough time to keep this it up, that it shouldn't be a priority when I've got a struggling marriage, a difficult child, and a mentally-challenging, full-time (paying) job. I only have so many fucking hours in a day, and as it is, I struggle to make the best use of them.

I also worry about sharing my innermost personal details on the internet...the honesty it takes, and the intricate web that must be woven to protect myself from being "found out."

But writing...

It's how my soul speaks. And how my head listens.

It doesn't really matter what I write just needs to come from within. And if it doesn't, it stagnates. It pools in the base of my bowel and blackens until it rots. I'm pretty sure it's the root cause of my depressive episodes. Because I damn well know it's the muse of my bipolar risings from the depths. When I stop writing, I stop feeling. And when I start again, I sometimes feel too much.

So, I'm coming back slowly. As I consider what I want my website to be, and what readers really want from it (fiction, poetry, personal experience, photography, one, all?). I get my greatest readership when I publish on Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday, and [e]lust. But, I'd like to figure out how simply to build my own strong following. And that takes resilience...a lot of writing and a lot of networking. And then - once the tribe is takes a lot of responsibility and care.

That's where I've sort of fallen on my face. I get close to the peak...and then I freak out. What if I fail? What if it doesn't work? The commitment it will take is sometimes overwhelming. Commitment scares me so much that I can't even fucking spell the word...I have to spellcheck it every god damned time!

Eventually, if I whisper sweetly enough and often enough, I know you'll tell me. You'll tell me what you want to hear. You'll let me in. You'll answer my call with a sigh and a resigned need. And the fire will re-ignite.

That's how lust works. It's how the writer/reader relationship works.

I hold the match, but it's useless without the friction you provide to light it.

I write a lot for myself. I've got journals filled with random, fragmented thoughts. And maybe that's what you want. Maybe that's what I've got to offer. My random, fragmented thoughts. The voyeur in you just wants a piece of that. And if I give it to you...if I lay myself bare, well now...there's the real fear, right?

What if you reject it? What if you reject me?

It's always possible. But, I think I just need to remove everything in the middle and begin writing directly to YOU - instead of my husband (even if the intention is veiled...I always know he's reading) or myself or some random, faceless crowd. Just you. It's much more intimate. Much more "hush, I'm telling you a secret...please don't tell...."

And that's where I do my best work anyway. In the dark, with a glass of wine, the quiet, and a slightly bitten lip, as I consider just how much information is too much. I guess with you, it's never too much, right? In fact, with you, too much is just right.

That's what I love about sex-blogging. TMI just doesn't exist. In this community, we just rip the fucking covers off and show our nakedness like paint-smeared warriors - "Fuck you, prudish, hypocritical world! We're out here...and we're writing about all the things you say we shouldn't but secretly read in the cover of darkness." Because that might be you, too. You might be one of those hypocrites. And if you are, you need me. You might be disgusted by what I have to say, but you need to read it.

You might also be like me. Maybe what I write validates you and your experience.

Or maybe you just want me...and what I write gets you off.

No matter who you are or why you come here, I've let you down. I've let you slip away into the night. And now I want you back.

So hear this, as I whisper through the wires...I'm going to tell you a secret....a whole string of secrets...

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Should I create a self-hosted Lustful Literate site?

Alright, my dear readers...

I'm considering trying my hand at self-hosting and taking blogging (and writing, in general) to the next, more profitable, level. I've been thinking and thinking about how to start. Reading, researching, and doing all the boring, behinds the scenes work.

But, what matters in all of this is readership. I know I have what it takes to reach out, network, and get an audience if I really try. But, readers, I pose this question to you. At this point, I've been on "sabbatical" for soooooo long, I'm not sure any of you are still there; however, if I came back to the keyboard, in this venue...or another...what is it that you most like to read about? Is it the short stories that draw you in, the personal experience, the photography, the reviews? What is it that keeps you coming back?

Do you read mostly adult-themed blogs and sex-bloggers, or do you like lifestyle blogs, financial blogs, news? Do you like a site that targets one topic or one that includes information on various subjects? Opinion? Facts? Fiction? Poetry?

In addition, what turns you off of a blog (aside from the writer intermittently disappearing for vague reasons)?

And if I moved...would you follow? Because, this would mean a whole new website. No more Blogger for me. More freedom to allow select advertisements if I chose, and more ownership over my content. It's also a lot of work for no pay (at least until I get the hang of things), on top of my already full-time job, parenting, and being a rather less-than-stellar lover to my husband. It's a commitment. Despite my spotty history with that here, I'm actually a pretty committed individual. You might be surprised.

Anyhow, this has always been a very open, supportive, welcoming community. Sex bloggers and their readers just seem so much less catty than mommy-bloggers and lifestyle bloggers and their often judgmental and competitive readers. And yes, I have some experience over in that camp.

So? What say you? Because it's going to cost a bit of cash to get myself started...and it'd be lovely to at least have a few readers there to greet me when I went live...and to give me feedback as I grew the site.

No promises. Just fierce wonderings...and possibilities. A girl can dream, can't she?

Advice welcome!


Sunday, February 5, 2017

Archive page not working!!!

I know a lot of you use blogger, so I'm asking here since I have no idea where else to go for help!

My archives page only shows posts back to 2014. How do I get it to show ALL posts (back to 2012). If anyone knows the html code to create a page like that, I'd love you forever!!!